Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Notes on the Rueben Syndrome - 2-11-07
Paul Harvey tells the story about some airline baggage handlers who retrieved an animal carrier in the luggage bay of an airliner . . . But the dog in it was dead.
So with visions of lawsuits dancing on the page beneath the letterheads of lawyers they informed the woman who owned the dog that, by accident, the dog was mis-sent to another destination. The airline promised they would locate the dog and return it to her house.
Then they disposed of the dead dog and went out to find a dog just like it, and they found one. So an airline baggage handler put the substitute dog in the animal carrier with the woman’s name and address on it and delivered it to her front door.
She took one look and said, “That's not my dog! My dog is dead; I was bringing it home for burial.” The reason we struggle with decisions at a point of transition is because we can’t tell false light from true light. And reading Scripture will help you understand the difference, so you can get a sense of direction for your life when you're a lost traveler.
Reuben was much like the airlines. He tried to correct something that didn't need correcting. He tried to rescue Joseph when there was no possible way he could have. And whatever he felt when he discovered the empty pit, then it’s the same thing we feel when we realize that our plans have been botched.
Joseph experienced the bottom of the empty pit and Reuben experienced the pit from above. It's what I call the Reuben Syndrome.
The Reuben Syndrome is what we experience when we try to help someone out of the pits.
No matter who you are, you will be above the pit helping someone at sometime in your life. life is built that way. We go down to the pit, and then we watch from above as others go down in the pit.
So what should you do if you find yourself in Reuben's situation?
The hardest thing to do when we experience the Reuben Syndrome is to not blame ourselves.
Reuben was called away by some duty, some other thing needed his presence. Maybe his wife had a baby. Maybe his child was in a little league tournament. Maybe there was a lost sheep, and he had to leave the 100 sheep to find the lost one. Who knows?
But it was the worst possible situation for Joseph. Wherever he went and whatever he did, it made him miss a very important part of his brother’s life.
Genesis 37:1-11
Joseph Sold by His Brothers
12 Now his brothers had gone to graze their father's flocks near Shechem,
13 and Israel said to Joseph, "As you know, your brothers are grazing the flocks near Shechem. Come, I am going to send you to them."
"Very well," he replied.
14 So he said to him, "Go and see if all is well with your brothers and with the flocks, and bring word back to me." Then he sent him off from the Valley of Hebron.
When Joseph arrived at Shechem, 15 a man found him wandering around in the fields and asked him, "What are you looking for?"
16 He replied, "I'm looking for my brothers. Can you tell me where they are grazing their flocks?"
17 "They have moved on from here," the man answered. "I heard them say, 'Let's go to Dothan.' " So Joseph went after his brothers and found them near Dothan. 18 But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him.
19 "Here comes that dreamer!" they said to each other. 20 "Come now, let's kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we'll see what comes of his dreams."
21 When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. "Let's not take his life," he said. 22 "Don't shed any blood. Throw him into this cistern here in the desert, but don't lay a hand on him." Reuben said this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father.
23 So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the richly ornamented robe he was wearing- 24 and they took him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it.
25 As they sat down to eat their meal, they looked up and saw a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead. Their camels were loaded with spices, balm and myrrh, and they were on their way to take them down to Egypt.
26 Judah said to his brothers, "What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? 27 Come, let's sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood." His brothers agreed.
28 So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels [b] of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt.
29 When Reuben returned to the cistern and saw that Joseph was not there, he tore his clothes. 30 He went back to his brothers and said, "The boy isn't there! Where can I turn now?"
Rueben blamed himself. If he'd only been there, he could've saved his brother. Whenever we look back into the pit of a family member’s despair and feel hopeless to help, we will feel guilty. The Reuben Syndrome will always make us feel like we should have done more.
The cry of the Reuben Syndrome is "If I had only done this, then maybe…"
On Tuesday, Mike one of the clinical psych counselors, who used to a be a preacher, asked me if I’d help out in the group class for the adolescents. So I did. I followed him to the gym, where he spread out a sheet on the gym floor and made all thirteen teens stand on it. The object of the exercise was to flip the sheet over to the other side while all thirteen remained standing on the single bed sheet. If one stepped off, then they had to start over again.
You should have seen the chaos. And there was a black girl, a poor black girl. Slightly overweight, wearing scrubs. the hospital had given her and a pair of dress shoes she wore in with her. No socks. The same girl who needed underwear, and I remembered seeing a brand new pair. When I found them they were a size 6, but the nurse believed they would stretch. That was Saturday. Now it is Tuesday. She still had them on.
And here she is on the edge of the sheet, barely on the edge of the sheet as the teens folded and doubled and tried everything. Then my girl stepped off ever so slightly, and I called the infraction. They had to start over. My girl started crying. It was too much for her. She started scrubbing the top of her head with her hands. She didn’t want to get back in the game. Then the teens called for her, and they stuck her safely in the middle. They secured her spot in the exercise.
All was well, then they started holding their noses or sticking their faces off in their shirts. They said it smells. They laughed. They called out to each other. Then someone else stepped off and my girl was back in the same shape. She was crying. She wanted out of the exercise. But I hugged her. I told her that this was something that she needed to do. "You have toi do this," I said. "You have to get back in there. Don’t quit. I know about quitting. You need to take your spot."
This is what I dealt with—have dealt with, will continue to deal with. Because I have a hard time when the game gets tough and people are heckling me or calling me out. So I knew she had to stay in that game. And she did. She completed that step, but soon we had to call time, and they never figured out the sheet exercise.
Reuben’s intentions were good, and his plan was a wise one, but it was not successful. God often blasts the designs that are formed for the good of His people, not because he hates them, but because the whole work is not accomplished. God intends to accomplish his purposes in Joseph by first putting him through a few exercises.
He was not only brought into a stressful atmosphere, but was kept there until God trained him the way he wanted Joseph. He knew the task before Joseph. He knew the best leaders are sometimes the fallen leaders. Those leaders who know what it’s like, not leaders who have read it in a book.
But have felt it deep inside their soul, have rolled it over and mulled it over and felt the pain of it. Leaders like this can lead yopu out of the pit because they know the way out, they know the severity. It was not by Reuben that Joseph was to be delivered.
That's a hard one to learn. Talk about Justin not wanting my help.
There had to come a point when Rueben was told by his brothers about selling Joseph into slavery. They sold him for 20 pieces of silver, which was what a handicap slave sold for in those days. Can you imagine the look on Joseph’s face when he heard the price. When he realized that he was valued very much by his brothers.
And he could have gotten down. He could have been angry. He could have gotten back at them when he had the chance sometime after that. But he didn’t. He knew in his heart how much he was worth. He knew. He knew he could never give up on himself, and somehow Rueben had to say the samething. He had to say, “My brother, Joseph is strong. He will survive.”
So with visions of lawsuits dancing on the page beneath the letterheads of lawyers they informed the woman who owned the dog that, by accident, the dog was mis-sent to another destination. The airline promised they would locate the dog and return it to her house.
Then they disposed of the dead dog and went out to find a dog just like it, and they found one. So an airline baggage handler put the substitute dog in the animal carrier with the woman’s name and address on it and delivered it to her front door.
She took one look and said, “That's not my dog! My dog is dead; I was bringing it home for burial.” The reason we struggle with decisions at a point of transition is because we can’t tell false light from true light. And reading Scripture will help you understand the difference, so you can get a sense of direction for your life when you're a lost traveler.
Reuben was much like the airlines. He tried to correct something that didn't need correcting. He tried to rescue Joseph when there was no possible way he could have. And whatever he felt when he discovered the empty pit, then it’s the same thing we feel when we realize that our plans have been botched.
Joseph experienced the bottom of the empty pit and Reuben experienced the pit from above. It's what I call the Reuben Syndrome.
The Reuben Syndrome is what we experience when we try to help someone out of the pits.
No matter who you are, you will be above the pit helping someone at sometime in your life. life is built that way. We go down to the pit, and then we watch from above as others go down in the pit.
So what should you do if you find yourself in Reuben's situation?
1. DON'T BLAME YOURSELF.
The hardest thing to do when we experience the Reuben Syndrome is to not blame ourselves.
Reuben was called away by some duty, some other thing needed his presence. Maybe his wife had a baby. Maybe his child was in a little league tournament. Maybe there was a lost sheep, and he had to leave the 100 sheep to find the lost one. Who knows?
But it was the worst possible situation for Joseph. Wherever he went and whatever he did, it made him miss a very important part of his brother’s life.
Genesis 37:1-11
Joseph Sold by His Brothers
12 Now his brothers had gone to graze their father's flocks near Shechem,
13 and Israel said to Joseph, "As you know, your brothers are grazing the flocks near Shechem. Come, I am going to send you to them."
"Very well," he replied.
14 So he said to him, "Go and see if all is well with your brothers and with the flocks, and bring word back to me." Then he sent him off from the Valley of Hebron.
When Joseph arrived at Shechem, 15 a man found him wandering around in the fields and asked him, "What are you looking for?"
16 He replied, "I'm looking for my brothers. Can you tell me where they are grazing their flocks?"
17 "They have moved on from here," the man answered. "I heard them say, 'Let's go to Dothan.' " So Joseph went after his brothers and found them near Dothan. 18 But they saw him in the distance, and before he reached them, they plotted to kill him.
19 "Here comes that dreamer!" they said to each other. 20 "Come now, let's kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns and say that a ferocious animal devoured him. Then we'll see what comes of his dreams."
21 When Reuben heard this, he tried to rescue him from their hands. "Let's not take his life," he said. 22 "Don't shed any blood. Throw him into this cistern here in the desert, but don't lay a hand on him." Reuben said this to rescue him from them and take him back to his father.
23 So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the richly ornamented robe he was wearing- 24 and they took him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it.
25 As they sat down to eat their meal, they looked up and saw a caravan of Ishmaelites coming from Gilead. Their camels were loaded with spices, balm and myrrh, and they were on their way to take them down to Egypt.
26 Judah said to his brothers, "What will we gain if we kill our brother and cover up his blood? 27 Come, let's sell him to the Ishmaelites and not lay our hands on him; after all, he is our brother, our own flesh and blood." His brothers agreed.
28 So when the Midianite merchants came by, his brothers pulled Joseph up out of the cistern and sold him for twenty shekels [b] of silver to the Ishmaelites, who took him to Egypt.
29 When Reuben returned to the cistern and saw that Joseph was not there, he tore his clothes. 30 He went back to his brothers and said, "The boy isn't there! Where can I turn now?"
Rueben blamed himself. If he'd only been there, he could've saved his brother. Whenever we look back into the pit of a family member’s despair and feel hopeless to help, we will feel guilty. The Reuben Syndrome will always make us feel like we should have done more.
The cry of the Reuben Syndrome is "If I had only done this, then maybe…"
2. DON'T RESCUE, BUT SUPPORT.
On Tuesday, Mike one of the clinical psych counselors, who used to a be a preacher, asked me if I’d help out in the group class for the adolescents. So I did. I followed him to the gym, where he spread out a sheet on the gym floor and made all thirteen teens stand on it. The object of the exercise was to flip the sheet over to the other side while all thirteen remained standing on the single bed sheet. If one stepped off, then they had to start over again.
You should have seen the chaos. And there was a black girl, a poor black girl. Slightly overweight, wearing scrubs. the hospital had given her and a pair of dress shoes she wore in with her. No socks. The same girl who needed underwear, and I remembered seeing a brand new pair. When I found them they were a size 6, but the nurse believed they would stretch. That was Saturday. Now it is Tuesday. She still had them on.
And here she is on the edge of the sheet, barely on the edge of the sheet as the teens folded and doubled and tried everything. Then my girl stepped off ever so slightly, and I called the infraction. They had to start over. My girl started crying. It was too much for her. She started scrubbing the top of her head with her hands. She didn’t want to get back in the game. Then the teens called for her, and they stuck her safely in the middle. They secured her spot in the exercise.
All was well, then they started holding their noses or sticking their faces off in their shirts. They said it smells. They laughed. They called out to each other. Then someone else stepped off and my girl was back in the same shape. She was crying. She wanted out of the exercise. But I hugged her. I told her that this was something that she needed to do. "You have toi do this," I said. "You have to get back in there. Don’t quit. I know about quitting. You need to take your spot."
This is what I dealt with—have dealt with, will continue to deal with. Because I have a hard time when the game gets tough and people are heckling me or calling me out. So I knew she had to stay in that game. And she did. She completed that step, but soon we had to call time, and they never figured out the sheet exercise.
Reuben’s intentions were good, and his plan was a wise one, but it was not successful. God often blasts the designs that are formed for the good of His people, not because he hates them, but because the whole work is not accomplished. God intends to accomplish his purposes in Joseph by first putting him through a few exercises.
He was not only brought into a stressful atmosphere, but was kept there until God trained him the way he wanted Joseph. He knew the task before Joseph. He knew the best leaders are sometimes the fallen leaders. Those leaders who know what it’s like, not leaders who have read it in a book.
But have felt it deep inside their soul, have rolled it over and mulled it over and felt the pain of it. Leaders like this can lead yopu out of the pit because they know the way out, they know the severity. It was not by Reuben that Joseph was to be delivered.
That's a hard one to learn. Talk about Justin not wanting my help.
3. Never Give Up!
There had to come a point when Rueben was told by his brothers about selling Joseph into slavery. They sold him for 20 pieces of silver, which was what a handicap slave sold for in those days. Can you imagine the look on Joseph’s face when he heard the price. When he realized that he was valued very much by his brothers.
And he could have gotten down. He could have been angry. He could have gotten back at them when he had the chance sometime after that. But he didn’t. He knew in his heart how much he was worth. He knew. He knew he could never give up on himself, and somehow Rueben had to say the samething. He had to say, “My brother, Joseph is strong. He will survive.”
